Children and Emotions

Just read this really great piece from The Natural Child Project website called, "Emotions are not bad behavior."

She points out that children's "acting out" behavior is an indirect way of getting attention that they learn from their parents/caregivers. Naturally, children are open and direct. But if they are made to feel that they shouldn't ask for things, whether it's a hug, sympathy or just to be noticed, we've taught them to ask in other ways, i.e., "acting out." Hunts says that children who are denied attention for long periods of time end up never getting their fill, so there is the constant cycle of the the child having behavior problems and the parent constantly being vexed.

Then she goes on to list "empathy blockers". These are evasive tactics we parents use, many times inadvertently, to avoid dealing with our children's emotions. Check out the list and, I gotta tell you, we've ALL done at least one of these. One example is downplaying, saying, "Don't cry, it's not that bad." Seems like a perfectly harmless statement, but the goal is to change how the child is feeling, rather than letting them progress through their emotions and telling you how they feel and why.

Craig and I try to parent this way, but it's difficult in this culture. What I like to keep in mind, is that you will never do things perfectly every time. But be ready to apologize to your child, if you do make a mistake. It will also teach them to be ready to apologize to others when they make mistakes, too.

Anyway, I love this site. It has a lot of good information on childrearing with their main focus being respect of the child.